Welcome to the blog for Free Your Mind mental health anti-stigma campaign

This is the blog for the Free Your Mind campaign which aims to battle stigma towards mental illness through the use of music, art, film, and culture.
The blog consists of informative and, hopefully, entertaining articles/posts.
Enjoy! :-)

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Drug Addiction and Stigma (+ my experiences with both)


Drug addiction is an illness, which can – often, but certainly not always – accompany other mental illnesses; particularly those mental health conditions associated with impulsivity, such as my own diagnosis of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

Drug addiction comes attached with its own batch of stigma; and, often, when a person is struggling with addiction, this can be perceived by others – particularly those who know of their addiction - as their one and only defining feature, for which they can be demonised for.

Common perception of a drug addict is that of that of a person whom is ‘immoral’ and 'a danger to society’; and, although, some may turn to crime to feed a habit, the image of the “immoral addict” is – in most cases – untrue, with its basis in prejudice.

Drug addiction is generally highly stigmatised due to the (mistaken) perception that, not only is an addict dangerous, but that they are the ones responsible for their problems - i.e. their addiction is self-inflicted.

But this stigmatisation is damaging; and, it is a large factor in contributing towards a person hiding their addiction, as well as keeping them in denial.

I’d like to take you back for a moment to FYM’s previous blog post in which I wrote about my most recent stay on a psychiatric ward, where I felt I’d been “over-medicated” and felt angry at the drug therapy I received whilst in hospital.

I didn’t, however, make it clear in my last blog post that this anger stemmed from my own ongoing struggles with drug addiction (and my addictions in general; self-harm included), and from my feelings that compliance with some of the (compulsory) medication is detrimental  to the likelihood of me making a successful recovery.

My appearance has become dishevelled of late, my skin is pale, and my eyes appear heavy; ongoing life-problems and mental health problems have taken their toll and it shows in my appearance.

Most of the prescribed medication makes my pupils dilate – so, although, it is apparent I am “on” a drug, it would be impossible to know which one - which sends out the image associated with the perception of the “immoral addict”, particularly to those who do not know me.  (The dilation of my pupils are due to compliance with medication; although, I have now requested to not be prescribed any addictive or dependency inducing drugs.)

However, this perceived image of me could not be further from the truth. And, the stigma displayed by strangers on the street – passers-by who pre-judge and making discriminatory comments – seems to be more persistent and is affecting me more than usual at this period when I am most sensitive.

Despite my ongoing struggles with addiction it is by no means a defining characteristic – everyday is a continuing battle with addiction, one in which I will persevere in fighting – but,  as I have written about previously on this blog, my illness does not define me.

Drug addiction is highly stigmatised due to a number of reasons, including, the taboos surrounding drugs and drug use, the perception that a drug addict is immoral, and the perception that a drug addict is responsible for their own plight.

But, like all stigma, the stigmatisation of drug addiction is damaging. Demonising a person purely on the basis of their illness seems thoughtless, and can cause hurt and pain to a person whom is already suffering.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

A Long Weekend on a Psychiatric Ward: which left me feeling over-medicated.

Hello - I am back and blogging!

Nicola Edwards
As you may have seen on FYM's previous post I (Nicola E.) was sectioned, again, for the 6th time.

I have been sectioned once previously since launching this blog; but, I have not spoken about my experiences of that time.

My reason for this is that although I do have something to say based on my experiences during that time, I am still working on how it would be best to express my opinions.

This most recent sectioning, however, was the shortest amount of time I have stayed under a section whilst on a psychiatric ward.

It was a long weekend, but one which left me feeling over-medicated.

I wrote notes in a diary during that weekend about the treatment I was receiving on the ward.

The following is an account of the weekend; edited and compiled using notes from that diary.

I remained on the ward and, on a Section 2, from the 3rd-November-2011, to the 7th-November-2011


Quote from diary:
This (long) weekend has felt like a (cliched) POV rave scene from a drug movie... [sic]
[one in which] the protagonist is [stumbling] around being offered all kinds of illicit substances; but, instead of dealers around every corner, [instead] there were nurses with pills and injections. [sic]





Thursday; 3-Nov.-2011.
I was given two (2) Lorazepam almost immediately after my arrival to the psychiatric ward - which the staff on the ward felt I needed.

I asked for a "sleeping aid" that same evening, and I received two (2) Promethazine and one (1) Zopiclone.

I feel asleep that night, but did not wake up until late the following evening.

Friday; 4-Nov-2011.
Shortly after waking - and once having eaten a couple of slices of toast - I requested the same medication they had administered the night before in order to help with my sleep.

Saturday; 5-Nov.-2011.
For reasons, which I honestly cannot remember (although it is possible that I could have been ranting and raving; in other words, shouting and making a lot of noise ), I was forcibly medicated that same Saturday evening.

Quote From Diary:

My head was held back, and both pills [2 Lorazepam] and water were forced down my throat...
...which I did swallow - although I did feel reluctant in doing so.
After swallowing ALL of the tablets I had been given. The restraining nurses falsely accused me of not taking [the] medication; they, therefore, held me down for an injection (its is unknown to me what medication they had administered with the syringe). [sic]


I was asleep/unconscious/knocked out after receiving the injection.

I will be frank with you; my recollections/memories of the events during this period are "fuzzy" and disjointed.


Sunday; 6-Nov.-2011
I woke up shortly before midday on Sunday.

Not long after midday, however, I fell into an argument with a fellow patient, whom I believed, judging from from her behaviour, was prepared to say anything to try and push my buttons,


I took myself away from this patient, in order to avoid a fight; so I moved myself into the hospital ward's "courtyard" to smoke a cigarette.

Unfortunately, I was still full of anger; which was probably due to myself becoming oversensitive with her words, and then found myself dwelling too much on the (offensive) things that had been said to myself.

So, I inevitably got wound up and was no longer able to keep my cool; and, I ended up releasing my anger onto a couple of wall flower baskets, by kicking them both and then watching each basket fall to the floor.

Following the above incident, I was administered two Lorazepam.

Later on that day, in the mid-afternoon, I was admittedly rather bored; so, as a way of cheering myself up and to alleviate my boredom

Quote from Diary

...with Magic FM loudly playing on the psychiatric ward's radio - I jumped up onto the table to sing,
"I want to break free!"
It was spontaneous of me, but it [worked] as a release; and soon after I'd sung along to those five words to the song being played, I leaped down off of that coffee table. [sic]

Upon leaping from the table, I was approached by a nurse, who told me she felt that I needed PRN - I was given two more Lorazepam.

Monday; 7-Nov.-2011.
I'd not long been dressed and out of bed on that Monday morning; but, as I was walking from one part of the ward to another, I was stopped by a nurse who was stood inside the clinical room with its hatch open. The nurse offered me two Promethazine - which I initially (kindly) declined, as .I felt that I did not need the medication at that moment in time.

But the Clinical Nurse insisted I needed the medication to calm me down. However, I was calm (wasn't shouting or being aggressive) and, it was for this reason that I decided to comply with the medication which was currently on offer.

Later on, that same day; I attended a "ward round" meeting, with the ward Psychiatrist. It was at this meeting I was taken  off a Section and informally discharged.

It took a couple of days after returning home to overcome my fuzzy-medication-head and stop feeling so spaced-out.

I find it hard to believe that all of the medication I received over the "long weekend" were in-fact necessary. I genuinely felt like I was over-medicated.


"Part Two" of this post can be found here - Part 2 is an explanation of why I feel angry at the way I felt I was 'over-medicated'. ~ 03/12/2011.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Free Your Mind is away (again) as Nicola E. has been sectioned.

Once again, I have been sectioned as punishment for not pursuing help (in the form of therapy or counselling) following a serious sexual assault in 2009.

My father [name omitted] believes having me sectioned is the way to having control over my actions. He uses it as a form of punishment... -Nicola Edwards

Thank you for continuing to support FYM. We will be back soon (I hope!).


Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Being arrested on a psych.ward + my thoughts on these events. (link to Tumblr post)

I founded Free Your Mind in 2010 after feeling I was being abused during my time on psychiatric wards.

In early 2010 I was arrested whilst on a psychiatric ward, and on the 3rd October 2011 I faced the charges in court.

That same evening, with the charges out of the way, I posted a blog to Tumblr about my experience and my thoughts on the events:
My experience of being arrested whilst on a psychiatric ward + my thoughts on the events which followed.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Creative Expression on Tumblr

This is another short blog post featuring external links - similar to this blog's previous post.

The following links are to my personal Tumblr, which I often use as a host for both personal and creative expression.

Hopefully, this may give you a chance to get to know a little about the "face" behind Free Your Mind (one of the faces anyway), and also why this blog has been lacking in posts of late.

Thank you for supporting Free Your Mind!
Nicola Edwards (Founder of FYM)


Watching 'Get Him to the Greek' and triggers... (Posted to Tumblr 26/09/2011)

Drew this to encapsulate how I've been feeling recently (Posted to Tumblr 30/08/2011)

Feeling disconnected (Posted to Tumblr 30/08/2011)

A poem written by myself in 2008 (Posted to Tumblr 12/07/2011)

Honesty through creativity (creative-personal Tumblog)

Take care!

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Free Your Mind with these links! (FYM making it up to you for the lack of posts!)

Due to an extremely hectic schedule, I have been, and I still am, unable to blog as much as I usually would. Hopefully, the links bellow will make up for the shortage of blog posts. :)

At the top of my agenda, however, has been the expansion of Free Your Mind from more than a blog into a recognisable campaign that can make a difference and open people's minds to mental illness, and raise awareness of the issues, and debates, surrounding mental illness.

But, before that, this... Thank You!
Since this mental health anti-stigma campaign (and blog) launched in July 2010, the support FYM has received has been immense. Without your support, I'm certain there would have been times when I probably would have felt there was no longer any point, and I may have given up; but(!) this didn't happen because I had your support, and I am so grateful for that. Thank you all for all of your support and thank you for continuing to support Free Your Mind.


Links:
The following link is to the blog of Michael 'Frost' Williamson, a great friend and supporter of FYM since it's very beginnings. Michael is a professional stylist and designer working within the fashion industry. His portfolio of work includes working for All-Walks a campaign aimed at promoting a healthy body image in the fashion industry. Michael has long blogged about his exciting career in fashion, and he now has a vlog where he shares his invaluable fashion advice and styling tricks (available to watch on his safety-pin-charm blog, hosted on YouTube).


This next link is for the emotional, touching and inspirational vlog by Lucy a.k.a LoopzCreate (on YouTube). She speaks from the heart, so please watch her videos, and show my girl some love! :)


My next link is for Voices for Awareness which is blog written my a male in his twenties, writing about his experience with manic depression, self- harm, and the issues that come with having a mental health disorder. Voices for Awareness is also on Tumblr.

Another fantastic and honest blogger on Tumblr is 'Skylar'; a female in her twenties, blogging about mental illness, addiction, and her road to recovery.

Personal recommendations:
Caroline C. Kimberley is a fantastic artist from Yorkshire, loves rock music and is a huge The League of Gentlemen fan. Check out her artwork here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.  <--All links here are to separate pages/blogs.

Free Your Mind can also be found online at Facebook and on Twitter.

Also:
Some great people to follow on Twitter:
Michael 'Frost' Williamson - @mwfrost
Lucy (LoopzCreate) - @loopysos
Caroline C. Kimberley- @CCKimberley
Me(!)Nicola Edwards - @TitchBNikkiE (changed Twitter username Feb. 2012)

Friday, 22 July 2011

Self Harm and its Associated Stigma

The last blog post was about suicide and its associated stigma, and how damaging this stigma can be. Although this post will be in a similar vein, I will try to keep it fresh and avoid repetition.

In the same way that suicide is not about seeking attention. Self-harm is also not an attention-seeking act.

In most cases, self-harm is about externalising internal pain, i.e. making internal pain, external.

There may be specific aspects to the act of harming oneself which make the internal, external, such as; the distraction of physical pain, the feeling of power and control over body (and, consequently, mind), or, a way of punishing oneself, and often with associations to the pain which are unique to that person. There are many reasons why someone might harm themselves, but, most of the time at the core of the reasoning, self-harm is about making emotional and/or mental pain, physical on the outer body.

Self-harm is not a shameful or hurtful act, if anything, it is an act of expression. And, despite the visibility of scars and wounds, it is mostly a private and personal expression of pain.

The prejudiced and ignorant culture of calling people "emo", along with various other terms used in derogatory ways in conjunction with those who self-harm, is frankly ridiculous. For starters, self-harming is not a new thing. And, neither is associating self-harm with a group of "misfits" or "outcasts" of society; before rock music, poets were the associated group - this stigma is old-hat.

The stigma is stale and boring, and so is the ignorance and prejudice that comes with it.

For the sake of not re-walking the same ground covered in my previous Free Your Mind blog post, I will keep this short and sweet. So; to summarise, self-harming is not an attention seeking act, or a shameful act; and for people to associate stigma with self-harm is nothing but prejudice and ignorance.

Friday, 8 July 2011

Suicide and its Associated Stigma

I struggle with suicidal thoughts on a regular basis.

However, the factors stopping me from successfully killing myself are; firstly, I'm scared of messing it up - damaging my brain as one example, immobility as another -. or, I might at least (as has happened before) make myself extremely ill (vomiting, diarrhea, etc. ...not good..). And; secondly, with all the ongoing goals and projects I have personally set up for myself to complete in this lifetime - the thought of not completing these always pulls me back from the edge.

Don't get me wrong, I have so much love for all my close friends and family - and I genuinely couldn't live without them (And these people always pass through my mind both before and during an attempt!) - but the pain caused by suicidal feelings can often override any other thoughts, feelings, or emotions.

However; I wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't always come back from the edge.

Suicide causes pain for many people; whether you are the one with suicidal feelings or you are bereaved from the loss of a loved one due to suicide.

Losing someone close to you is always hard and will affect people in different ways. Losing someone through suicide is the same. And, it is important to remember, that even if a person kills themselves, this does not mean they didn't love or care about anyone.

But when people add stigma to an already painful event such as suicide, it only causes more pain. The stigma of suicide is dangerous and destructive, and, because people are afraid to speak their true feelings when stigma is attached to suicide, lives are ruined by stigma.

The pain caused by suicidal thoughts and feelings is literally unbearable, which is why people go to such extreme lengths to end that pain. And the stigma associated with suicide only adds to that pain and it stops people from speaking up about their feelings.

Suicide is not a cowardly escape route, it is not a "cry for attention" (sorry to be blunt, but what is the logic in thinking that someone would kill themselves as a way of being "noticed" -  surely, if someone wants to be noticed, then they would also want to be around to receive any attention and adulation due to their attention seeking act).

Neither, do I believe it is a lazy or selfish  act. Suicide is not lazy or selfish.

For all the people who say 'Suicide is selfish;' I'd say to them, that I am of the opinion that it is selfish to force a person to live everyday in the pain and agony caused by suicidal thoughts and feelings (because it truly is pain and agony).

I'm not an expert with  a degree, or anything like that - but, I do have a lot of personal experience with suicide, suicidal thoughts, mental illness and the issues surrounding mental health. So, I can only offer 'suicide prevention' advice based on my own personal experiences.

Personally, I find expressing myself creatively, in whichever way that may be - creative writing, art, music, dance, drama -, is the best way to not only "get it out of me," as they say, and calm my suicidal thoughts, but it also provides a way (should I wish to use it)  for me to communicate my feelings to myself and others.

It's true, we don't always have someone to talk to, although there are services set up to help us deal with these feelings (listed below). However, it is important to remember that feelings of suicide and/or of hurting yourself are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you don't feel you have to be silenced by how you feel and unable to talk to anyone about your feelings.

Suicide prevention help:
Samaritans (Open 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week): UK: 08457 90 90 90 
ROI: 1850 60 90 90   
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Health NHS direct (mental health/suicide):
0845 46 47 (local rate) 
Website: http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/ > NHS Direct Mental Health FAQ


Worried someone is having thoughts of Suicide - Call PAPYRUS HOPEline:
0870 1704000

Suicidal thoughts by themselves cause extreme pain in the individual with these feelings and can also be painful for the people who love and care for that person. But these are not the sort of feelings that can just disappear over-night, even if a person seems perfectly happy, this may not be the reality. It is highly possible they could feel silenced by the stigma directed at suicide.

The way people add stigma to suicide is destructive. Stigma does not save lives - in fact, attaching stigma to suicide does quite the opposite - it ruins lives.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Contributors wanted for new posts within the Free Your Mind blog mental health blog!

....This could mean that Free Your Mind needs you!

Firstly, my apologies for the lack of posts on this blog lately. Unfortunately, this has been due to me being ill and, therefore, understaffed and unable to blog.


Secondly;Contributors are currently needed to help maintain the Free Your Mind blog.

Free Your Mind (founded by Nicola Edwards in 2010) is a mental health campaign aimed at helping to fight stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and its surrounding issues, by using combination of educating the general public against the danger of holding beliefs of stigma towards those with mental health disorders, and by showing how a mentally ill mind is often a creative mind.


Free Your Mind is determined to consistently bring you high quality blog posts, which we hope will not only inform and educate, but also entertain the reader and continue to stay in their minds even after their eyes have left the screen, However, Free Your Mind, although currently small, is growing as a non-profit organisation; and, so, the next logical step forward, is for our small team to expand - which will include a small team of Contributors with regular submissions.

We're looking for diverse range of people (as long as they are seventeen or older) who has/had experience with mental health disorders; whether it is you whom has been given a diagnosis; or, you care for a friend, loved-one, relative or client with a diagnosis; or you work in a home caring for those whom have at some point been diagnosed and are in need of 24/7 care/supervision - You could contribute!

We are looking for contributors from all walks of life; including, 'Psychiatric Survivors', 'Service Users'  those working with a MH team, Social Workers & Mental Health Professionals, Teachers & Parents, Students & School- Leavers, Patients and Outpatients. You could contribute!

We want Contributors to get across, from your unique and passionate perspective, your views and opinions on the issues and debates surrounding mental illness; and to communicate your honest thoughts and feelings about how you, and others in your community, are/have been treated by your local mental health services.


Join us in opening minds to mental illness!


We are looking for two types of Contributors:

Regular Contributor
A Regular Contributor would be required to meet a two-week deadline to complete and submit a single blog post, and after editing and approval, the post would be posted to the FYM blog as soon as possible, and all text within that current blog post would be attributed to the Contributor. Contributors would most likely be given a subject to write about for the blog; unless they have a mental health related issue, which they need to express, then they can do so on the blog with the administrator's permission. Unfortunately, as we are a non-profit, a fee for your services would be unavailable. We can, however, offer exclusive invites to upcoming events either organised by FYM, or in association with FYM.

Non-regular Contributors
Others can sporadically contribute submissions (as many as you wish) - bearing in my mind should any submissions be offensive, inappropriate, or not actually related to the Free Your Mind campaign in any way - these submissions will be permanently discarded of. Again, we cannot offer a fee, we would only be able to offer our genuine 'thanks'.

If you are interested in the becoming a contributor for Free Your Mind mental health anti-stigma campaign. then send us your resume/CV to freeyourmindcampaign@gmail.com - Examples of written work would be ideal, but, not, vital.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Therapist Susie Orbach discusses body image (video)

Whilst researching for this blog post I came across the following video on the Guardian website of Susie Orbach discussing body image and her 'Endangered Species' campaign.

Recently, Free Your Mind took part in the All-Walks book club in which we discussed Bodies by Susie Orbach.

In Bodies Orbach discusses how, for both men and women, our bodies have now come to be seen as being in need of constant improvement, and how this view of our bodies are influenced by society, media imagery and those around us.

During our book club discussions we shared our experiences with our own bodies and body image, explored where our ideas and opinions of ourselves may have originated, and the role they now play in our everyday lives.

We talked about how our views of image are shaped by many different factors, including; upbringing, media images, interactions with others, and our surrounding environments.

And we discussed the varying attitudes we have towards both our own and others' bodies - for example, feeling too fat or too thin; or, too short or too tall, and so on - and how we then apply these same or,  completely different standards to others, or none any at all (i.e. we are often our worst critics!).

The topic of how body image problems are trivialised and are not seen as "real problems" was often raised, along with the negative impact trivialising these issues has on everyone involved, not just for those whose problems are being trivialised.

Orbach touches on these points in the above video; but I'd recommend Bodies for her full exploration of both our attitudes towards our bodies and, also, of how they are shaped by our experiences, citing case studies and her own observations, as a therapist, as examples.

(Click here for the previous blog post, 'All Walks book club'.)

Endangered Species
Susie Orbach's Endangered Species summit was held during March this year; which, through a series of events and speakers, aimed to celebrate body diversity and challenge the culture that teaches girls and women to hate their own bodies.